Stepping Gently on the Unknown Ground of This Moment

Choosing to be in your body and with this breath can be scary.  The practice is simple; yet it takes us away from familiar ground.  The familiar ground of thinking.  Thoughts arise, but in practicing not THINKING OUR THOUGHTS we come to realize we are not our thoughts, and all of who we thought we were comes into question.  This is shaky ground.  It can be fucking scary.  It can bring us into direct contact with the deep seated fear in our body we have been trying to get away from our whole life.  

The deep fear of unworthiness.  

The deep fear of badness.  

The deep fear of annihilation.  

The deep fear of being unlovable.  

The deep fear of being left. 

Inquire into yours and drop those words down for the next sentence.  

So most of us walk around with this vague sense that something is wrong.  Something isn't quite right with our life.  If only we had a lover.  If only we had money.  If only we had respect.  If only....then we'd be happy.  But alas, not so...not so...not so.  You know this to be true.  You've gotten things you really wanted and did it ease the dis-ease?  Maybe for a few minutes.  At best a few days.  

The only true solace is to be found in resting in this moment.  Not believing our thoughts to be absolute truth.  And expect the shakiness of fear to hold your hand.  It is part of the practice.  IT'S OK TO BE AFRAID.  IT'S OK TO ASK FOR HELP.  Have faith in the unconditional wordless holding of this moment.  Surrender and fold into your own body.  Trust your breath.  Take refuge in your belly.  Above all, trust your innate goodness.  But don't take my word for it.  Just now, drop it all and come into yourself wholly holy and completely with so much kindness it makes you cry.  Soften your heart.  BE ALL YOU ARE.

Coyotes Brushed her Eyelashes...A Poem to the Wild Woman Within

Coyotes brushed her eyelashes

Coyotes brushed her eyelashes
And she never looked back

She never said never
Ever again

She dove into
The desert sky
And strung all the stars
On her soul necklace

She caught fire
Beneath the moon
And the sun never had a chance
You see
Moon fire
Called her from the start
And now she only listens
To its love song

Coyotes brushed her eyelashes
Deep in the night
And she never forgot
Her wild longing burned in her
Eternal memory

She will never
Ask again
What she should do

From now on
She abides only by
The divine calling
Of the animal touch
She remembers from long ago
Before anyone tried to cage

Her one true heart

xoxo
Chikyo

-a poem inspired by the wild and true woman in my family.  

Let in Longing

Longing bleeds

there’s  no answer to it

it just grabs your heartstrings

and if your lucky

it never lets go

it never lets go

Be Mused

The soul longs to express itself through you.  

This summer has been about my relationship to the muse in my heart, my inner muse.  

The muse inspires passion and creativity.  She is personified in Greek mythology as Aphrodite.   She's daring and relentless.  She's a wild force and in every woman.  We don't know how to listen to her because in our culture the closest inner reference we have for her is that of a harlot or prostitute.  

My longing for her has led me to create a new reference and question my shame around my creative expression and sexuality.  I've let her guide me in how I present my physical form to the world (she likes dresses and cat eye eyeliner), to sketching her changing image in my art journal, to being more comfortable as a sexual being with passion and desire.

May all women everywhere this very moment open to the call of the muse.  Go ahead, let her talk in your ear.  She has some soul words you've been longing to hear.

Gassho

Chikyo

Letting Be with Love

Today's dharma talk centered around how we relate to what we feel are the "bad" parts of ourselves.  The parts that we think need changing, need improving.  We badger ourselves to change.  Then we rebel.  Relating to ourselves in this way ends up backfiring.  We feel WORSE about ourselves as our shadows grow bigger and more frightening.  We try again to get rid of them.  Our lovers try to get rid of them.  Our friends try to get rid of them.  Our therapists try to get rid of them.  They may disappear for a time but it doesn't stick.

By "them" I mean anything we think is standing in the way of our inherent right to wholeness.  It might be anger, anxiety, or a a busy mind.  It might be an addictive behavior like overeating, spending, or using numbing substances.  Our usual way is to turn away from these shadows.  Get rid of them.  But most of us know that they keep coming back.  Like the proverbial weed that springs up because we didn't acknowledge and tend to the root.

In meditation practice, we begin to see our shadows more clearly.  This is good news. But typically, as soon as it's seen, we add what Buddha called the "second arrow."  We don't like what we see.  We turn away from it.  We feel shame.  We feel somehow deeply flawed.  Then we try as hard as we can to get rid of our "bad" parts.  This doesn't work.  So, what does?

I think of my shadows more and more these days as little children.  Indeed, they were most likely born out of unmet childhood needs.  They feel really young and ancient; like I've never known myself without them.  As I've learned through practice, what these shadows really need is some kind of love.  I've suffered from the belief that I shouldn't be anxious most of my life.  My anxiety has been the enemy.  My teacher told me many years ago to open up the container of practice; to include my anxiety.  It's a healing practice to ask what the shadow NEEDS.  Does it want acceptance, acknowledgment, space, love?  Ask your shadow what it needs.  Practice giving it that.  Practice letting it be OK.  Practice wholeness.

It's from this space that true change can occur.  This is different from discernment.  We may see clearly that our addiction to food or shopping is causing us suffering.  But when we add the layer of "bad" as in, "I'm a terrible person for doing/feeling this" we step into the realm of the second arrow.  And we suffer. Alternately, we can extend love to our shadows.  It's not permission to act in self-destructive ways.  It's just a sincere acknowledgment of our condition and an intention to relate to it in a loving way.

Whatever form your shadow may be taking, ask it what it most needs from you.  Chances are it needs to be included in a loving way.  This is the gateway to wholeness.

Deep Gassho,

Chikyo

Spoken Word Poem..."Stop Your Sorry"

May we all this very moment own our true crown and stop apologizing for who we are.

Gassho,
Chikyo

Sacred Art

A taste of some of my Sacred Art.  Most of my pieces are for sale.  I also welcome commissioned work and have painted many Sacred Family portraits.  Please email me at carinastratton@yahoo.com for pricing information.

The Sacred Mother...A Workshop for the Soul

"The Sacred Mother"
2013
Acrylic on Canvas

This month marked the first meditation, yoga, and painting workshop I've done.  It was called "The Sacred Mother" and in it we explored meditation and yoga as a path to connecting more deeply with ourselves then dived into painting as a bridge to connecting with The Sacred Mother within.

The cultivation of the Sacred Mother in myself has been a powerful healing practice.  I'm coming to understand that my deepest longings for unconditional love and understanding are a call for me to develop these intrinsic inner capacities inside myself.  Painting has been essential in this process as I could breathe life into an archetype making it uniquely mine.  My paintings serve as prayers in this way; with this particular prayer being to feel the eternal love and acceptance of The Sacred Mother in my everyday life.

How fun to teach this process to others!  We began the morning with a sacred circle.  We then moved into yin yoga and meditation.  We enjoyed lunch together then dove into painting.  I teach a very explicit process, taught to me by the amazing Shiloh Sophia Mccloud , which provides a forgiving container for creative expression.  A little wine doesn't hurt either, which we enjoyed while painting and laughing together.  After two Saturdays we came away with our own expressions of The Sacred Mother on canvas.  I look forward to offering this workshop again and am thrilled to combine these sacred practices.

Leah Nunag with her finished piece.  Wow!